Society Personified....

Society:

     "Hey Midget!...Look at the funny looking Midget!....It's a fat Midget...Stupid Midget...Midgets are funny...Midget Tossing....Midget Wrestling...Midget Porn....Midgets are entertaining...Look at the group of Midgets!...You're a Midget....Midget's are awesome...It's just a word, you're a midget, deal with it....Stop being so sensitive Midget...Midget is a medical term....I want to sleep with a Midget...I hate Midgets...Midgets scare me....Angry Midgets....etc..."

These are just some of the phrases I have heard and will continue to hear and see in my life.  It is not a word I have heard once or twice.  I have heard and seen it in print as well as online hundreds of time. It is just a word right? I thought maybe if I typed Midget enough, I would become desensitized; no, It did not work.  I thought maybe if I typed Midget enough, it would not make me cringe; no, I cringed at every word.  I thought if maybe I typed Midget enough, it would take away some painful childhood memories; no, they are still there.  Some LP's (Little People) feel the dwarfism organization is making us hate the term.  No, I can say I've hated the term from early on, way before my involvement with any type of organization.   It is the sound of the word, the way it is said, the connotation, and the history behind it.

Society:

    "Okay, so what do you people want to be called?....Little People?! Dwarf?! Now that is degrading, now that would insult me....Why can't your group pick a name and stick with it?....It's just a word, stop being so sensitive!...You need to toughen up....You need to learn to laugh at yourself....I'm bald and people make comments, so why can't you deal with it..."


Monique:

"Society, unless you are in my shoes, you do not earn the right to tell me how one word impacts me.  Until you are in my shoes, you have no right to tell me how to "experience" my dwarfism.   Society, the term Midget was thrown onto myself and my group.   WE chose Little People, it was us, it was majority of us who have embraced that term, for us, not you, us...
Society, the term Midget is not and has never been a medical term, in spite of what you think you "know."  Dwarfism is the appropriate medical term for the over 200 types, whether it is proportionate or disproportionate.  Please do not assume you are an expert on this.  If someone tells you how they want to be addressed, accept it, and be respectful, in spite of how you personally feel. Sorry, it is not about you.


Hey, look at the Midget!   Hey, look at the N*gger!   Hey, look at the Sp*c!   Hey, look at the K*ke!

N*gger tossing...Funny looking K*ke!... Sp*cs are stupid...

Is it just as funny when you substitute the word Midget?
Would you shout at someone   "Hey N*gger!?...
Would you let your child say "Hey Mommy, look at the gimp?"  

Those terms are equally hateful,  ignorant, and ugly.  

Society, if I can ask you a question...Why do you feel the need to treat me like I am subhuman?  Why is it when you see me, my humanity fades away and I am a thing for you to treat poorly?  Why is your first instinct to laugh at me?   Why is my dwarfism so funny to you?    Do you think I do not hear your comments?  I do.
When you take pictures of me on your cell phone, do you think I do not notice?  Believe me, I do.
Society, I am short, but in no way am I simple minded, deaf, or blind, to your ignorance.   Society, you have made me stronger than you can even begin to imagine.  I may stay silent many times, but do not take my silence as being submissive to your ignorance, I have just learned to pick my battles wisely.

Society, I will let you in on a little secret...This is not the 1880s, 1920s, or 1950s.  I am past getting my foot in the door, instead I am making my way to the top floor. Please be part of the solution and we can work together to achieve social equality, or get out of my way, but no matter what, I am making my way in life with or without you.  I've got my red cape on with a big D!   Dwarf...Determined....Destined...Dynamic...darn amazing!  (had to throw that in there.)  Society, I may not physically fit into your world, and my quick thinking has helped me with that, however, you do not fit into mine either.  I have no room in my own world for your lack of morals and empathy.   The thing is, there will always be a group challenging you.  Groups from the past have overcame you, and someday my group will as well.  History has shown me so.  I choose not to alter my body to conform to you, I choose not to become depressed or self-loathing because I do not fit your status-quo image.  I am the status-quo for my life.

Society, I do understand there are some who do not know it is offensive.  That is alright, my problem is not with the uneducated, as I myself am uneducated on a few things.  My problem is with the cruel, the ignorant, and the inconsiderate.   
In this day and age, do I really need to remind you I am a human being like you?  Do I really have to remind you I have feelings, and when you objectify me into nothingness for your amusement, it hurts? You may pity me and think I struggle, but in reality I pity you Society and your sad state of being. How are you so remedial while individuals are so advanced?"

Someday I would love to hear: 

  "Hey...look at Monique!....Look at that fun and amazing person!...There she goes...Monique is entertaining....Monique looks great...Monique is educated....Monique is hard working...Monique is a good person....Monique has a good heart....



Or...preferably......                                                silence
                        

The sound of silence will be the most amazing sound I have yet to hear.  I will always physically stand out, but socially, I will blend in.  Blending in to the peaceful sound of silence...

I Am Titanium

I love the song "I Am Titanium" by David Guetta.
It truly describes me and if I had the courage to get a tattoo, I'd get that phrase tattooed on each of my legs by my newly earned scars.  I am titanium, I now have two metal hips.
Honestly if I think about it too hard, it freaks me out, I've replaced my own body parts with metal...Very cyborg, very Terminator.  I left one hip in Ohio, and the other in Illinois.  I am just losing body parts all over the country!

I was very blessed to have parents who were always open and honest with me medically no matter what age I was.  In my teens I was told I would need my hips replaced.  Old to me of course meant 40s or 50s lol.  It did really catch me off guard that my right hip went bad at age 28.  I literally went from walking perfectly fine one day with no pain, to the next day on crutches.  I was frustrated because my 20s were supposed to be my health prime, my fun time in life!

It took me awhile to find a surgeon who knew what he/she was doing.  Hip replacements are common for older average height individuals, I was definitely a special case, and as such I need a surgeon who had the experience working on people with my type of dwarfism with my height.  It is how I ended up in Ohio.  I didn't leave my heart in Ohio instead I left my hip!   Soon as I was recovered from that replacement, months later my left hip went bad, just as instantly as the right did.  I knew I had another year or two before it would become utterly painful and debilitating like the last, but I made the decision to have it replaced right away.  I knew it would not get better, so why waste time in pain?  Unfortunately my first surgeon was not available so it was back to the drawing board, and this time closer to home in Illinois.

My left hip replacement adventure went a little haywire unlike the first.  Unbeknownst to myself and the surgical team, the bottom of my femur was slightly curved.   When the post was pushed down into my femur, it went out the side at the bottom.  I woke up groggy to the words "There is a fracture in your femur and you cannot walk."   Can I just say it's a good idea to not have a serious conversation with someone who is drugged up with heavy narcotics?!  Please wait a day when the patient can fully grasp what was said.

A fractured femur meant not walking for three months.  It was very hard for me to take.  I wanted to get up and walk a few days after surgery like I did the last time.  I felt cheated and there were a lot of tears for awhile afterwards.

Both times I was in rehab for two weeks, which were actually great experiences.  I loved my last rehab and the staff was amazing!  They made me work, even though I could not walk, and there were no pity parties, it was all about trouble shooting to prepare me for home.  Now, unfortunately, I did discover my pure hatred of the medicine "Celebrex."   It ended up interfering with my kidney function which lead to too much potassium in my body.  My level was very elevated and a few more points higher it would have effected my heart which would have shown up on an EKG.   Nothing like going in for a hip replacement and you have to deal with a kidney problem.  I was very angry as I went in with healthy kidneys and then dealt with that.   I also had to take a horrible medicine called "Kayexalate"...What this drinkable, grainy, brown drug does is attach itself to the extra potassium and pull it out.  Pulling it out means either vomiting or diarreah.  I will just say that and spare you the not-so-pleasant details, I had to take it three times.Luckily we found out right away what it was and stopped it before any damage progressed.

I have to say I was truly blessed though to end up on the stroke patient floor, as ortho was full.  They were my absolute inspiration and kept me focus on my own recovery as well as being okay with the fact I could not walk.  I kept remembering that I had a choice with my surgery, the stroke patients did not.  Some were outside working in their yard, and the next thing they know, they're in the ER fighting for their life.   Some had been in rehab for over a month.  Some had trouble with their speech and were very frustrated, others I was there to see their first steps!   If you've never had a stroke or a replacement, your first step is an amazing feeling.   I got to see what real love is, love meant wiping your spouse's mouth as their soup spilled, love meant helping to dress your spouse, love meant sharing in their pain and frustration....Who was I to even complain about my situation?  So I couldn't walk at the moment, there were worse things in the world I could have been dealing with.   I learned so much from the stroke patients and even though I did not catch any names, I will always remember them.  They will always have a special place in my heart.  That was an experience I was meant to witness.

It has now been three years since my first and one year since my second.  I'm up, walking around, losing weight, and getting my legs strong.  I feel amazing!  I know my hips may eventually go bad leading to another round of replacements, possibly 20-30 years from now.  I have no idea, but I am not going to think or worry about what I cannot help.  All I can do is enjoy my hips now and take care of what is in my control.

It has been a crazy and humbling five - six years.  I think the most physically and mentally tough years I have ever had to endure. I decided early on to have a positive outlook, as if you are mentally stressed, it increases your pain.  My faith in God was renewed and He walked me through this...think "Footprints In the Sand..."  Instead of getting mad at my body for failing, I instead was proud.  My body did not and has not ever failed me, in fact, my body has held up like a  trooper.  Honestly, life will happen and it is all about how you view it.  You cannot control money or medical issues sometimes, but you can certainly control your attitude.  My motto was "this is just temporary" and if you can keep that in mind, not only will you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you'll come out of the tunnel at the end and leave it in the dust!

Some may think "How can you not hate being a dwarf after going through this?!"   Well, to some people's amazement, I do not hate being a dwarf.   What I hate is my Arthritis, and even though I have Arthritis because of my type of dwarfism, I look at them as separate entities.  I have no desire to find a cure for dwarfism (another topic) but I will gladly help find a cure for Arthritis.  Arthritis is not a "dwarfism thing" but an "everyone thing."    I do not hate my dwarfism, my body, or my life, how can I?  I am truly blessed!

Five to six years out of hopefully a hundred years on this planet is in reality nothing.  I can look back and say I am proud of my attitude and how I handled this.  I came out of this process with a new outlook on life and I hope I can remember the lessons I've learned as I move forward with life.

Onward now to job hunting!